I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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