The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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