i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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