My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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