So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
