no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
