Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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