Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize