Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
