just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
