i permit you to call me
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Randomize
