I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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