Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
