i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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