Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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