i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
