He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Too much gin, very little bucket
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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