I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
