The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
