NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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