found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
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Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
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Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
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