I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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