I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
