we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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