Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
