Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
