friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
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So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
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Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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