Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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