I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
