I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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