she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
