Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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