just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
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I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
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I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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