If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
