i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
