I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
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He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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