The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
