Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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