You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I think your dad took our porno
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize