we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
