I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
