I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
