these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I just found a bag of teeth...
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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