3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
