Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
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How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
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How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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