Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(636): View more from Missouri

Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.

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(404): View more from Georgia

standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.

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(360): View more from Washington

I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.

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(858): View more from California

while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go

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(415): View more from California

We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.

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(775): View more from Nevada

At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.

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(313): View more from Michigan

#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.

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(315): View more from New York

just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.

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(636): View more from Missouri

Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.

(918): View more from Oklahoma

Holy Shit Mom

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