dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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