I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
