yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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