Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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