I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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