she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
