i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
