Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
