he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
