I faked an abortion last night.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
