Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
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