I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
