I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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