Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
