Your face is a jimmy john
He uses pillows to masturbate.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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