It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
pop tarts are not kleenex
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
