Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize
