We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
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