when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
