You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
