I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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