if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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