If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
