We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
