My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
jump out the window naked night went bad
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
