I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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