Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
