So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
19 Movie Extras Reveal What It’s Like To Work With Celebrities
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.