Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
His hands were made for my vagina.
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im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
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Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?