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Can i not drive my cunt home
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
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