OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.